


Mythology of The Walking Dead

by bgn



Category: Greek and Roman Mythology, The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Humor, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-23
Updated: 2015-11-23
Packaged: 2018-05-02 23:31:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5267963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bgn/pseuds/bgn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Greek gods and goddesses take familiar mortal roles when one of them threatens their favorite playground.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mythology of The Walking Dead

Zeus sat in solitary splendor on the throne in the great hall of Olympus. It had been quiet lately and he felt faintly dissatisfied, a condition brought on by boredom. Many were the distractions available to him but lust had been quenched recently with Hestia, he had hunted with Artemis, crossed swords with Ares, visited the forge of Hephaestus to be measured for new armor and drunk deeply of the wine of Dionysus. He wasn't in the mood to listen to lute players and besides, his breast wasn't so savage that it needed soothing by music. What else was there? Athena! He would send for her and enjoy some intelligent discourse. Perhaps a little nectar and ambrosia as well since the evening banquet was many hours away.

These pleasant thoughts were interrupted by the speedy entrance of Hermes who hadn't even stopped to remove his hat and lay down his pouch and staff. The boy was careless of the niceties of behavior but he was the second youngest god and would have better manners in a few more eons. Hermes was the messenger of the gods and no doubt brought news. He traveled freely between realms and often had amusing tales about the mortals he admired so much. Zeus was fond of mortals, too, in particular the females.

Hermes skidded to a halt beside the throne. "By Jupiter!" he exclaimed.

Zeus sighed but made no reply. The members of Olympus were Greek through and through but Hermes had become fascinated by the rise of the Roman Empire a couple of millennia ago and had formed the habit of calling his fellow gods and goddesses by their Roman names. He was especially enamored of his own and for a time had referred to himself by the portmanteau Hermercury. This became cumbersome after a dozen decades and since everyone except Ares refused to use it, Hermes abandoned it. Zeus hadn't been surprised that Ares indulged the boy; he had observed for some time that the god of war indulged Hermes in all things and had greater regard for him than for any female. Which was very Greek in a time-honored historical fashion and Zeus had no objection to tradition.

But to business. Despite his merry greeting Hermes looked distressed and Zeus braced himself for bad news.

"Hades has unleashed hell on Earth!"

Hermes was prone to exaggeration so Zeus withheld comment until he had the full story. But after Hermes explained that Hades had returned the dead residents of his kingdom to the living world, Zeus was in agreement. He had been expecting retaliation from Hades for several years but this was excessive.

"Now we know," Zeus said heavily. "This is their punishment."

Hermes nodded sadly.

It wasn't the first time that Hades had wreaked havoc. He'd been disgruntled from the beginning of time, feeling that he had drawn the short straw when the brothers divided up their father Cronos' estate. Zeus got the sky, Poseidon the waters and Hades the underworld. Hades had argued that he should have the land but was voted down and it remained neutral territory in the possession of mortals.

That didn't stop Hades from making a bid for it whenever he thought he had a case. Just last century he had invoked the Marine's Hymn with its reference to fighting battles in the air, on land and sea. Proof, he had declared, that the property had been divided unequally. Zeus had the air and Poseidon the sea. He, Hades, should have the land. Dike, goddess of justice, had ruled that the lyrics of a mortal song could not be used to change the course of immortal events and that no further appeals would be heard on the subject. Hades had withdrawn, sulking, to his kingdom to plot revenge and soon enough a volcanic eruption took place in Indonesia.

Hades always vented his spleen on the very land that he wanted to rule which was another reason it would never be given to him. He had buried Pompeii under the lava of Mount Vesuvius out of spite because he knew Zeus liked spending time there. He had sunk Atlantis because Poseidon loved it but that had backfired because the memory of that great lost continent had passed into legend and so became immortal. Zeus moved his court there for a few weeks every summer to enjoy the water sports. Poseidon played host which gave Zeus a break from ruling. It made a nice change from Olympus and everyone enjoyed it. Everyone except Hades who never showed up even though he was invited in the spirit of letting bygones be bygones. Once he had sent a hurricane and was sharply reprimanded because hurricanes are a product of air and water and thus an infringement on the territories of Zeus and Poseidon. He had better luck with tsunamis. Poseidon had objected but Hades had shown that his tsunamis were the result of seismic activity under the seabed which was part of the underworld. It was hardly Hades fault if Poseidon couldn't control his waters.

The reason for this latest vindictive act could be traced directly to mortals. A few years ago they had reclassified Pluto as a dwarf planet. Hades had already been peeved because Pluto was a small dark lump of ice at the far reaches of the solar system. Still, it was his small dark lump of ice and he felt protective. Hell hath no fury like a god whose namesake planet has been disrespected and diminished. Zeus, in possession of a giant gas planet with many moons, was actually sympathetic on this point and had suggested that Hade's territory be expanded to include a large area around Pluto's orbit which contained a belt of asteroids. Hades rejected this condescension which was just as well since several minor gods and goddesses had already laid claim to other dwarf planets in the area.

The final insult occurred when mortals decreed 'plutoids' as another name for dwarf planets. Hades retired once again to his kingdom to brood on the many wrongs done him. Apparently he had decided that if the land of the living was not to be given to him, he would make it the land of the unliving and thus a natural part of his underworld.

"I hoped he had decided to let it go," Zeus said. "I sent him that film San Andreas for his birthday and he replied with a very cordial thank you note."

"He loved it," Hermes, who had delivered the package, assured Zeus. "He was only disappointed that it wasn't a documentary." He paused. "We can't just let this happen, can we?"

"No, the earth is dear to all of us. I'll propose an enterprise."

In times of great turmoil the gods and goddesses might choose to involve themselves in the affairs of mankind. This was not the occasional dabbling that each did independently in order to influence outcomes small in scope. An enterprise was voted on by all and, if passed, the Fates were called upon to weave a tapestry of the lives the gods and goddesses would assume. They were made mortal for the duration of the enterprise and were given roles but their actions were not all guided and they had no knowledge of their real identities. Each must make of their life what they would or could. Upon the death of their mortal body they returned to Olympus and regained all memory. They would then watch the enterprise play out for those that remained.

"The proposal will pass, won't it?" Hermes asked.

"I'm sure of it."

It had been almost a century since the last enterprise. Immortals had placed themselves in the great world war early in the 20th century. Two decades later they decided to sit out World War II on the basis that mankind must learn to avoid global conflict or live with the consequences. But this latest war was not of their making.

Hermes was busy all the afternoon delivering notices of the emergency council. That evening the great hall was filled with minor gods and goddesses while the major players took their places surrounding the throne. Hades had refused to appear but his wife Persephone had his proxy and she cast both votes in favor of the enterprise, as did all others. Immortals visited earth often in various disguises. Olympus had been dull of late and the prospect of being mortal for a short span promised excitement although Hephaestus said belligerently that he had only one hand at present. He'd lost it in an accident at his forge and it hadn't had time to regenerate yet.

His wife Aphrodite said sweetly that he would be a better man with one hand than other gods with both. She usually treated her husband with contempt but had recently cheated on him with Apollo and been found out and was trying to make it up to him. Hephaestus glared at her and said he would be glad to forget her for awhile.

There was little to discuss after the decision was made as the matter would be out of their hands, even Zeus's. He called for the three Fates: Clotho the spinner, Lachesis the measurer and Atropos the cutter. Zeus explained the enterprise and sent the Fates off to do their work. He then addressed the assembly:

"We know not our roles in the upcoming enterprise or when we shall meet again in this hall. Some of us will be here sooner than others. Let those who return first be wary of harsh judgment toward those who remain. None of us knows who or what we will become while mortal. But we will eventually remember those people and our actions and must live with them for eternity.

"Enjoy this night as you wish. Tomorrow we awake in our new lives!"

Zeus watched them leave, mostly in pairs as few would want to be alone tonight. Ares and Hermes exited together. Zeus knew they had planned a trip to Valhalla which would have to be postponed. Thor and Ares were friends. Zeus wondered if the Norse gods and goddesses would involve themselves in this mortal struggle. It was likely. Also likely that this walking dead nonsense had been cooked up between Hades and Loki.

* * *

 

In their chamber Hermes lay with Ares' arm around him.

"Will we be together if we meet as mortals?" Hermes asked.

"We have before."

"Sometimes we're with others, female or male."

"They don't matter. We'll be together again here no matter what happens there."

* * *

 

Meanwhile the three Fates, with a busy night ahead of them, were eager to begin spinning the tapestry of this latest enterprise. It had been a hundred years since they last directed the lives of the Olympians and, since the Fates were as petty and capricious as the gods, they were looking forward to settling old scores. One of their duties in weaving the mortal lives of the gods was to present opportunities for the gods to learn something about themselves and to improve their impulsive and often jealous natures. The Fates took into account not only the personality traits of the gods but also their choice of weapons and clothing.

The first thing to be decided was the location.

"Where shall we place them?" Clotho asked.

"Arctic Circle," Lachesis said with glee.

"I applaud your sentiments but they need to be in the middle of the action and the AC is too remote."

There was considerable discussion about various hotspots of the world ridden with danger and disease but this was only for their own satisfaction in imagining the consequences. The Fates knew they would have to position the enterprise somewhere in the United States. Besides, danger and disease would soon be everywhere.

"Georgia," Clotho suggested. "Heat, bugs, rednecks and bad accents."

Lachesis and Atropos agreed.

"All righty then," Clotho went on. "Might as well start at the top with Zeus."

"Thinks he's so high and mighty," Lachesis said. "Make him an old man of no account who dies early on."

"White whiskers and bug eyes," Atropos added.

"There's already a mortal of that description," Clotho protested. "We can't have two Dale Horvaths. Besides, we dare not go too far with Zeus. He'll hold a grudge. We'd better give him a position of some authority. How about a sheriff?"

"Deputy Sheriff," Lachesis corrected.

"Good enough," Clotho agreed. "He'll be Rick Grimes. Turn his lightning bolt into a pistol and he's done."

"He'll rise to power anyway," Atropos said glumly. "He always does. That's why he rules Olympus."

"But this time he'll really earn it," Clotho replied with relish. "I've got crazy stuff planned for him!"

"What about Hera? She's not the nicest goddess in the heavens. Even Zeus is afraid of her."

"They haven't been getting along since Zeus sexed up Hestia. Serve them both right if Hera is his wife in the enterprise as well as on Olympus."

"Hera is goddess of marriage and birth."

"So Lori Grimes will cheat on Rick and die in childbirth. Oh, the irony."

"What about Hestia?"

"Zeus can have a fling with her if they live long enough to meet. Call her Jessie and put her in Alexandria, Virginia."

"Let's do Athena next. Wisdom, courage, strategy, strength, skill. This bitch has it all. She's going down."

"Take away her power. I vote for abused housewife. Maybe she'll kill her husband."

"Children?"

"Sure, give her a daughter … who dies."

"Meet the Peletiers: Carol, Ed and Sophia. You know, after all that trauma, Athena is likely to become her true self again."

"But first a little suffering is good for the soul."

"Ares. The god of war should play an important part."

"Or not. Let's leave him out completely."

"Can't. He represents the unpleasant aspects of war and this enterprise needs that. Athena gets all the love for her military strategy but Ares isn't a bad god, he's just misunderstood."

"Hermes understands him pretty well if you know what I mean."

"Don't make it dirty. They're in love. And it's lasted for two millennia which is a record on Olympus."

"Okay, Ares will be a redneck. Call him Daryl Dixon. He'll start out rough but with potential."

"He's already realized his potential."

"There's always room for improvement. He was a brutal, destructive, slaughtering bully before Hermes came along. Unpleasant aspects of war, remember?"

"What a body, though!"

"Oh, physically he's a god. You know, we need a word for something better than a god since they're all gods."

"And Hermes? Don't do anything too horrible."

"Who could hate Hermes? He's a great kid. But we need some diversity. Make him Asian. Glenn Rhee is a nice name. Change up his look: a cap instead of his winged hat, sneakers for his winged sandals, backpack instead of a pouch and turn his staff into a baseball bat. He's good to go."

"Hold on, everybody loves Hermes but he's not without fault. He's a thief, he stole Apollo's cattle."

"Not a lot of cattle rustling anymore but we can give Glenn a history of stealing cars."

"Hermes also invented the lyre and gave the world music."

"So give Glenn a guitar and let's move on."

"Artemis is next. Goddess of the hunt. She'll be Michonne. But she's so good that we should take away her bow and arrows. Level the field a bit."

"I know – give them to Ares and give his sword to Artemis."

"Good idea but this isn't the Dark Ages. Change them to a crossbow and a katana."

"Who else?"

"We forgot Poseidon and Hades."

"Hades created this mess. Give him a brief moment of power then cut him down."

"What shall we call him?"

"Who cares? Philip Blake will do. Hades always manages to get a cool nickname anyway."

"He'll want that damned three-headed hellhound of his along."

"Cerberus is not going to be part of this! If Hades likes heads so much, give him a few in a fish tank."

A knock was heard at the door. It proved to be Eros, also known as Cupid, his round face cherubic and cheerful.

"You don't always include me but I'd like to get in on this. Doesn't have to be a big part. Can you do me a solid?"

The Fates thus appealed to so humbly, agreed and Cupid went happily away.

"He's got to be someone everybody likes but no one will miss much because let's face it, Cupid won't last long down there. There's not going to be a lot of love and affection in this enterprise."

"Ares and Hermes would appreciate it."

"They make their own. Cupid will be Theodore Douglas."

"At least give him a fun name and a good death."

Okay, how about T-Dog and he dies saving Athena?"

"Perfect. Now back to Poseidon. Do we give him a boat?"

"No, he needs to spend time on dry land. He'll be Morgan. He can ride a horse and the horse can get eaten!"

"That's going too far. Poseidon is the patron of horses. But a horse getting eaten is a great visual. It can happen to Zeus instead."

"What about Poseidon's trident?"

"First a rifle and later a bo staff."

"Athena and Poseidon are rivals. Let's have some conflict between Morgan and Carol."

"Sounds good. And we still have a few major players to spin: Hephaestus, Apollo, Aphrodite …"

"That whore. She sleeps with everyone."

"No argument but she is the goddess of beauty and desire so it's kind of her thing."

"Call her Andrea and have her fuck Hades. That'll teach her a lesson."

"Hephaestus might not take kindly to us doing that to his wife."

"They're on the outs. He won't mind."

"He loves her anyway. He'll hold it against us if we make her do the deed with Hades or anyone else."

"All right, we won't weave it in. It will be totally up to her. Any bets on what happens?"

There were no takers because it was all but certain that Aphrodite would spread her legs for someone.

"We could give Heph his hand back."

"But it will only be temporary since it hasn't regenerated. It'll fall off pretty fast."

"Have him cut it off himself. After all, it was his own fault he lost it in the forge."

"We need more family relationships. So far we've only got Zeus and Hera. Athena doesn't count because her husband and daughter aren't gods."

"I'm having a vision. Let Heph be Ares' brother Merle. Ares learns a lesson by being bullied by his older brother and Heph gets payback for Ares sleeping with his wife."

"That was eons ago, way before Hermes became a god."

"But Ares never paid a price for it. Now he will. And he's getting off easy."

"That's what Hermes said!"

"Do you need to get laid? What's this obsession with Ares' and Hermes' sex life?"

"I'm a romantic."

"Only for those two. And maybe Heph and Aphrodite. Why not do something nice for Heph? He's the ugliest of the gods. We could make him handsome."

"But he has to return to reality on Olympus. That would be cruel."

"Speaking of handsome, what do we do with Apollo?"

"Young, graceful, good at everything. He makes me sick."

"So we'll make him a plain, awkward nerd with a bad haircut."

"Let me introduce you to Eugene Porter, mullet-head. And kind of cowardly."

"Who are we missing? Dionysus!"

"That lush. Call him Bob Stookey and have him always looking out for a bottle."

"Seems sort of one-dimensional."

"Do you think of anything but wine when you hear the name Dionysus?"

"Fair point. He'll have the same chance as the others to influence his own destiny."

"The gods need to interact with real mortals. They learn from them. We need more than Dale, Ed and Sophia."

"There's an old mortal named Hershel Greene. He has a farm they can rest at for awhile. Demeter and Persephone can be his daughters Maggie and Beth."

"Have Beth be abducted eventually like Hades abducted Persephone."

"At least she doesn't have to be married to him in the enterprise."

"On to the minor immortals. Throw them in randomly and see what happens."

"We have to at least pretend they're important. Let's give it some thought."

"Pan will kick us with his goat hooves if we don't treat him right."

"Call him Shane and have him be friends with Rick. Oh! Lori can cheat on Rick with Shane. Pan will be happy and Zeus and Hera will be pissed. That's a win-win situation."

"Gaia has that earth mother thing going on. Make her Deanna Monroe and let her take care of Alexandria. It can be another place for everybody to rest awhile."

"Hebe, cupbearer to the gods. A young girl in the prime of life. That won't last long."

"Give Andrea a younger sister called Amy. It will be good for Aphrodite to experience loss."

"What do we do with the three Graces?"

"Pick three letters of the alphabet and I'll give them names."

"R, S and T."

"Rosita, Sasha and Tara. Done and done!"

"What about Heracles? He's only half god but he's Zeus's son and he spends a lot of time on earth."

"He prefers the Roman version of his name. Since Hercules is half god, he should start out as a child instead of an adult. What the hell, call him Carl and let him be his father's son."

"When Hera-Lori dies giving birth, does the child die, too?"

"Better not. Call her Judith and let Iris be the baby. We hardly ever use the goddess of rainbows."

"The gods and goddesses need to meet mortals along the way."

"Let's see who we've got. Jim, Jacqui, the Morales family, Dr. Jenner, Otis, Patricia, Jimmy, Dave, Fat Tony, Randall, a few prisoners and a bunch of people in Woodbury. Tyreese, Abraham, some cannibals in Terminus and some assholes in a hospital. Noah, Aaron, Eric, Enid and a lot of ineffectual types in Alexandria. And that's just the first couple of years. We're covered. It's a nice mix of useful and useless."

"See how easy this was?" Atropos said.

"It just fell into place," Lachesis added.

"As if it was fated!" Clotho finished.

They never got tired of puns about themselves.

With the tapestry well started and all roles assigned, the Fates journeyed to consult the Oracle of Delphi. The Oracle prophesied success but warned that it would not be a swift victory. The Fates were not concerned. After all, the Trojan War lasted for ten years and that was but a blink in the life of the gods.

The Fates' final act was to create roles to insert themselves into the enterprise so that they would be on hand to observe closely and pull an occasional thread if necessary. Their participation must fit with the 21st century of the mortal realm. They thought first of becoming the creator, show runner and makeup artist of a television series and had just set themselves up as Robert Kirkman, Scott Gimple and Greg Nicotero when it occurred to them that such roles were too public and would attract attention. They decided instead on the obscurity of a fan fiction writer and were going to use their initials as a user name but they didn't like any combination of C, L and A. They finally agreed to each take an initial from the TV series identities. Lachesis took G for Gimple and Atropos took N for Nicotero but Clotho not only refused K for Kirkman but insisted on B for Bob instead of R for Robert. It didn't seem worth arguing about and so they became BGN.

* * *

 

Checking on the progress of the enterprise a few weeks later, the Fates found that Ares and Hermes had just met at a quarry outside of Atlanta.

"I don't think they like each other much. Shall we throw them a bone and let them remember something?"

"We can't let them know they're gods."

"Why not? They won't really believe it, they'll just think they're going crazy. Bad shit is happening."

"What would you do?"

"Leave it to me."

* * *

 

When Glenn explained his plan to retrieve the bag of guns from the street, Daryl was so impressed that he asked, "Hey kid, what'd you do before all this?"

"Delivered … pizzas," Glenn replied hesitantly.

Later he approached Daryl and said, "I almost told you that I delivered messages instead of pizza."

"You mean like a courier on a bike? Don't think you'd mistake that for pizza delivery."

"No, it was like a past life."

"Reincarnation? I don't believe in that crap."

"Maybe you should start because you were there, too. We were gods."

"You forget to wear your cap in the sun? Maybe you got heatstroke."

"My cap should be a hat with wings. And my shoes should be sandals with wings. I'm Hermes!"

"And I'm the god of war," Daryl scoffed.

Glenn looked serious. "Actually, you are. And as good as you are with that crossbow, you'd be more comfortable with a shield, sword and spear."

Something clicked for Daryl as he thought about that and he knew Glenn was right. His memory cleared. He was Ares.

"If we die we go back to Olympus," Glenn said. "We can be together there."

"We're likely to die soon enough. Wouldn't be right to kill ourselves or each other to get out early."

"I know. It was just a fleeting thought."

"Besides, we can be together here. We don't get the chance to be mortal very often. Could be interesting."

"You better believe it, Mars."

* * *

 

On Christmas Eve, months after the enterprise began, the Fates were satisfied with how events were unfolding. A few immortals were back on Olympus but there were many still in play. The Fates celebrated by getting drunk and singing their favorite Christmas carol. There was one line in particular that they liked.

 _Have yourself a merry little Christmas_  
_Let your heart be light_  
_From now on our troubles will be out of sight_  
_Have yourself a merry little Christmas_  
_Make the Yule-tide gay_  
_From now on our troubles will be miles away_

 _Here we are as in olden days_  
_happy golden days of yore_  
_Faithful friends who are dear to us_  
_gather near to us once more_

 _Through the years we all will be together_  
**_If the Fates allow_ **  
_Hang a shining star upon the highest bough_  
_And have yourself a merry little Christmas now._


End file.
